Starting the Thrive programme

The first step...

While I waited for my book to arrive I watched some of the testimonials and thought this was exactly what I needed.  Further research on the website while waiting for the book to arrive lead me to my consultant - Paul’s website.  Rob tells you that you can work through the book yourself (and there are lots of testimonials to back this up) but I was a bit sceptical so I contacted Paul and set up an initial consultation later that week. 

I started the Thrive Programme the next week and anxiously returned to Paul’s office, not knowing how this would go or what to expect.  That first meeting Paul explained the relationship between the Locus of Control, Self-Esteem and Social Anxiety and completed a quiz to see where I sat on all three.  I scored a total of 55 out of a possible 70 which meant that my self-esteem was very low and my social anxiety very high.  I became very emotional that I had such a low opinion of myself.

I now realise that I spent every ordinary day working my way through the crap, always looking forward to the next big event and not seeing the bigger picture.  I was my own worst critic; nothing I ever did was good enough in my mind.  I couldn’t see beyond perfection, if something I did wasn’t perfect it wasn’t good enough, which meant that nothing I did was good enough.  I probably came across as unsociable, quiet and shy.  It was easier to keep my mouth shut than say something that might make me look stupid or cause people to laugh at me.  

I had a lot of social anxiety including what I wore - I often felt under or over dressed and thought once again I’d got it wrong.  In a social situation, I rarely knew what to say, wasn’t keen on meeting new people and found it easier at a party to just get on the dance floor to avoid having to talk to anyone.

Although I am creative and like to try new crafts, my initial thought was always ‘I don’t think I’ll be able to do this’ followed by criticising whatever I had made and finding fault with it, even though it was my first attempt. 

I made list after list to make sure I didn’t forget to do something.  If someone gave me a compliment I found it difficult to accept.  ‘Were they just saying it for something to say?’. They can’t have actually meant it!  I was nervous, worried and stressed most of the time, ‘What will people think of me?’ ‘Have I worded that right?’ ‘I’m bound to get it wrong’ ‘They will think my house is a mess’.  In every situation, however, I tried to put on my brave face and pretend I was confident.  Inside, however, my stomach was in knots and I was certain my face was bright red.

I started by challenging the beliefs from the quizzes that make up my ‘thrive factor’ but during the programme I also had to work on my safety behaviours.  This was difficult at first as I couldn’t see how I was going to get past most of them.  Slowly but surely, though, I challenged them one by one.

The Locus of Control chapter asks you to work on challenging the five points you think will be easiest to change.  (from external to internal) I will just mention the first one I chose which was saying ‘fingers crossed’ or ‘touch wood’ and I added saluting magpies which I had learnt from my Aunt.  Thinking about it now I realise that it caused me so much stress for no reason whatsoever.  If I thought I had missed a magpie I would become stressed, considering what might go wrong – what was I thinking? 

So at the start of the programme, I decided to go for a walk with the sole intention that if I saw a magpie I wouldn’t salute it!!  I walked for about three miles and saw a magpie – mission complete!

Since that day I have not saluted a magpie; they now make me smile about how far I have come.  As far as ‘touch wood’ and ‘fingers crossed’ – they weren’t a huge part of my vocabulary but I have stopped using those phrases as well as Good Luck to my students sitting exams.  It’s not down to luck – if they have done the work they will do well.  

Next time - My journal